


Forgiveness

by robertstanion



Series: Black Friday Fics [12]
Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst, Apologies, F/M, Phone Calls, Songfic, Tears, Thunderstorms, autistic! Hannah Foster, but ethan feels bad about it, mild asshole ethan, texts, tws at the start of the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25313491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertstanion/pseuds/robertstanion
Summary: Ethan says some things to Lex which end in them splitting up. But a phone call during a storm and some texts Ethan sent while stoned may change that.
Relationships: Lex Foster & Ethan Green, Lex Foster/Ethan Green
Series: Black Friday Fics [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564606
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> TWs: mention of a s*icide attempt
> 
> the song is Punchdrunk by Vaines btw

Lex checked her schedule again and noted down the dates she had to be into work for next week. She hung up Toy-Zone’s signature red jacket worn on top of the uniform she usually kept in her locker and grabbed her backpack. She would have _died_ if she had to spend another moment in that toy store. She walked around the outside and walked home, despite the clouds overhead warning her of a storm. It only made her walk home quicker. Hannah hated storms. The loud bangs and sudden flashes of lightning could often overwhelm her. When she walked into the caravan she was forced to call ‘home,’ she heard another voice inside and her heart stopped.

No. No, not him. Not him, please, God, don’t let it be him, she thought to herself, tensing up as she hung up her keys. The soft jingling must have reached the other side of the caravan because a small Hannah rushed up to her and grabbed Lex’s legs in a tight hug. Lex couldn’t help but smile. “Hello, banana. I’m home now,” she said and bent down to lift up her sister. “You’re getting bigger and bigger every day.” Lex smiled and moved Hannah’s bangs out of the way of her face.

“She sure is,” another voice spoke from the end of the corridor. Lex immediately rolled her eyes, working on taking her bag off, discarding of the contents.

“I didn’t ask you to be here today, Ethan, so I’d kindly appreciate it if you’d fuck off.” Lex didn’t hesitate to walk through the hallway, pushing past him to get to the living room/dining area. She set Hannah down on the couch and flipped on the TV for her to keep her mind busy for a brief moment while she pulled out her tablets from the pocket of her jacket, making herself a glass of water. She switched the tap off, taking two out of the packet, swallowing them quickly. She then walked over to the fridge, putting the bottles of water she’d bought earlier in the day in them in the event their water supply got cut off again.

“Are you _still_ mad at me, Lex?” Ethan huffed, standing just centimetres behind her, causing her to jump.

“Ethan Green, get your ass out of this place, or I’ll call the cops on you for trespassing.” Lex said, shutting the fridge door, adding a new pin on to the front of her bag. “Banana, I’m going to my room for a few seconds. I’m putting my bag away, and then I’ll be right out.”

“Okay,” Hannah mumbled, now too fixed on the TV to tune in to the fight happening behind her, or what was about to become a fight. This let Lex slip away into her room, but she heard Ethan following her. It was hard not to know it was Ethan while he was wearing those stupid boots of his.

“Why are you here?” Lex sighed harder the second time, getting irked by their encounter. She hung her bag up on the coat hook behind her door which had both hers and Hannah’s coats on it.

“I want to apologise for what I did…and Hannah rang me because she was scared.”

“Hannah doesn’t have a phone.”

“The landline,” Ethan added, causing Lex to fall silent. “Please, just listen to my case.”

“Listen to your _case!?_ ” Lex spun around and looked at him, her heart pounding more in her chest as her anger became more visible. “After you got up and walked out, leaving me the fuck alone, you just expect me to forgive you?!”

“Babe-“

“Don’t even _try_ me with that. What part of _‘I’m breaking up with you’_ did you manage to miss? Oh, no, my apologies, we weren’t even together in the first place.” She spat and sat down on her bed, taking her shoes and socks off, lying down a few seconds after.

“Yeah, uh, about that-“ Ethan tried, and Lex cut him off.

“All those dates we went on. All the times we skipped class to smoke behind the bike shed. All the times we fucked in your car, in the school bathrooms. All the times you wiped my tears away after a rough night with my mom, all the times I wiped _your_ tears because _your_ parents are fucking assholes, and for what? Me to tell you exactly how I felt about you only for you to call _me_ your Wednesday Dick Appointment? Which doesn’t even make sense, by the way, for I do not have anything resembling the male genitalia, and I am, in fact, an eighteen year old female.”

“I didn’t mean it-“

“Shut the fuck up, Ethan, I’m done with your bullshit. Get out.”

“Lex-“

“I said get out!” She said, staring at the ceiling. Her exterior, though remaining tough throughout the entirety of the conversation, was the direct opposite to how she was truly feeling. On the inside, she was being torn apart. She’d fallen in love with the tall, punk loving asshole who was fun and polite, and he hadn’t felt the same way. He’d made her feel terrible about herself during the fight they’d had a couple of days ago that ended everything. There wasn’t anything Lex saw in him that showed sympathy, and she wasn’t willing to give him a second chance _just_ yet.

Eventually, Ethan left the room _and_ the caravan. Lex felt slight relief flood over here, but also the fact that he was gone made her overly aware of the hole in her heart again. She heard her phone bleep and she looked at it. As soon as she realised it was Ethan, she put the phone back down and walked back out to the main area of the caravan where Hannah was still watching the TV. She smiled and went over to make dinner, whatever that would be, most likely pasta again. She shook her head and began to cook when Hannah spoke.

“Ethan gone?”

“Ethan’s gone. And he ain’t comin back for a long time either.”

“Why?”

“Because, banana, me and Ethan had a fight and he’s too stubborn to admit that he hurt me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I know.” Lex sighed, putting the pan on the stove top.

“Rang Ethan. Got scared. Thought mom came back.”

“Mom ain’t ever comin’ back either. Not for a while, I hope. She can fuck herself with her new boyfriend.”

“Oh.”

“But we got each other, right banana?”

“Right. Me, Lexi, Ethan.” Hannah nodded. Lex smiled even though her heart tensed. She didn’t have the guts to tell her younger sister the truth, so she nodded, blinking back the heat gathering around her eyes.

“You, me and Ethan,” she repeated, her voice near enough to a whisper. Maybe she shouldn’t have kicked him out so soon.

* * *

They ate dinner, and Lex put Hannah to bed, before Lex went to bed herself. She changed into her pyjamas, fidgeting with her thumbs, her eyes on her phone. She hadn’t read the text Ethan had sent her earlier, and it was taking everything in her to not do that. She had to move on from him, she gathered, because she couldn’t remain in love with a guy who didn’t love her back. Unfortunately for her, her heart had started pounding as she thought about the text he’d sent her. Maybe it was those three words she’d told him. Maybe he was finally confessing. The thought alone had her grabbing her phone, switching it on.

| _Ethan: Ring Me_

That hadn’t exactly been what she’d wanted, but it was good enough for her. She loaded his contact, hovering over the call button, suddenly more nervous than she’d ever felt before. Taking a breath, she hit the button, burying under her blankets after putting him on speaker. She always struggled to hear people when speaker wasn’t on. She shouldn’t have been surprised when he picked up, but she was, and nothing had been able to change that.

“ _Lex, please,”_ Ethan started from the other side of the phone, but she silenced him.

“Do you know what hurts the most about this? About us ending without me getting full closure?”

“ _No, I don’t know, but I assume you’re about to tell me.”_

“The fact you implied you were hooking up with other girls while I thought I was taken. When I told Hannah you were my boyfriend and she thought she had a male figure in her life that was able to take care of her _and_ me.”

“ _I know, and I’m sorry.”_

“But you didn’t need to come for me when I told you I loved you. There wasn’t any need for it. I was already scared to tell you how I felt as it was, and you took it the step further to explain why I was worthless, why you’d never love me, and then you called me just another one of your hook-ups.”

“ _Yes, thank you for the reminder of what I said.”_

“It hurts, Ethan. It hurts. Especially with all the reminders of all the dates we went on. Like the one in the early stages of whatever we were. We were in the middle of an abandoned area where we wouldn’t get caught, and we were making out in the car. You pulled me on to your lap, and I took a chance. I remember driving _your_ car for he first time ‘cause I never had one. You held my waist, and you guided me through the steps. If you hadn’t have done that, I’d have probably crashed the fuckin’ thing. I’d have gotten the full impact. Maybe I’d have died, and who would’ve cared?”

“ _Lex…”_

“I like to hope maybe you’d have cried sometimes, but there’s the logical part of me that realises now you’d probably have moved on to another girl. We weren’t in love, and you just wanted or needed someone, specifically their _body_ to pass the time.” She laughed, her voice heavy with emotion. “Why was I so blind to let you use me? Why did I think that was alright?”

“ _Look, listen, okay. You’re still gonna hate me, and I ain’t tryna excuse my actions ‘cause I realised I fucked up. I ain’t tryna deny it. I know I hurt you, I know I hurt Hannah. I know I got my punishment bad from you when you stopped talkin to me after you promised me you were okay, that it didn’t matter to you. Every minute without you, I just felt so lonely. I never thought I wanted love. I only ever thought I was gonna be single for life.”_

“Yeah, right.”

_“But I just found myself wantin you. And trust me when I tell you that as soon as we started fightin, I never regretted somethin more than just callin you one of my hook-ups. You ain’t that. You’re special to me.”_

“Yeah? If I’m so special, why are we stuck on this phone call together, tryin to figure things out between us? Why do I believe you don’t even know me?”

_“Look, Lex, if I’m stuck with you, then I’d stick around. Bein with you, bein around you is only makin me feel-“_

“Being around _you_ makes me feel further from you than I’ve ever been. But I’m always right _there_ when you call me askin me about my day, and I think, it’s gonna be fine, he cares, and you ask if my mom’s home. If I say yes, you tell me your parents aren’t. You used me for a while, and I let you ‘cause I’m just so _lonely.”_ She sighed. After that, there was a silence for a few minutes. Maybe it was Ethan processing Lex’s true thoughts about what he’d said, or maybe it was Lex trying to accept Ethan was attempting to be genuine, neither could tell.

 _“I don’t wanna bring us to an end,”_ Ethan said after a while, and it was for the first time on the call that Lex heard the shakiness on his voice.

“Huh?” She wanted him to repeat it, or at least explain himself so she could at least understand why he’d said that, almost asking herself if that what he’d said was true.

“ _I, uh- heh.”_ Ethan was nervously laughing over the phone, and she heard the ruffle of his sheets on the other side of the line. _“I don’t wanna bring us to an end. You changed me to be a better person, at least that’s what I believe, and I know I’m not 100%, fuck, I’m not even 50% of a decent person, but I’m over 40 now, which is because of you.”_

“Ethan, are you drunk?”

_“I remember feeling so young, Lex, and I kept thinking that nothing was gonna bring me down. Then my parents started to disown me, I had to move in with my uncle, it was all a mess. And who was by my side for that entire period?”_

“Me…”

_“Yeah. You were my best friend all throughout middle school and the move up to high school. We used to go to the store and steal from big brand stores, go watch movies. But…it was my uncle who sat me down and made me realise who I was.”_

“Ethan, what do you mean?”

 _“Well, one day, he sat me down and he went through the levels with me. He started with me being happier, then he moved on to the amount of contact I was giving you. He noticed how much happier I’d been with you and then he told me that it was looking to be that I had a crush on you.”_ There was silence on the other end of the line, and Lex could have sworn she’d heard him sniffle. _“So I locked everything away. I realised I couldn’t have started to fall for a girl like you. You were too smart, too witty, too-“_

“Stop trying to make this about you and just apologise to me, for gods sake,” she sighed, but she couldn’t deny the fact she’d started to believe him.

_“It got to the point where I **had** to be asshole Ethan again. I couldn’t date. I couldn’t settle down. But you wanna know the day where I started tryin with you again?”_

“I’m sure you’re just gonna tell me anyway.”

_“It was when you were stood at the edge of the bridge.”_

Lex immediately tensed up. He’d sworn not to mention that to anyone, he’d sworn to never bring it up again. “Stop it.” She’d been in an extremely dark place in her life and he was using it against her. He could have easily talked about something else, but no. He _had_ to keep bringing up an event which had been ignored by her school and her family, which is _what she had wanted._ For a while, back then, Ethan had started pushing her away again. She tried everything, sliding over goofy little notes in the middle of class, sending him texts, buying him food out of nowhere. It ended when she decided to stop trying with him. It was a two-way street, and it was a shame her love for him was one-sided.

_“I’d been walking. I’d had an outburst at my uncle and he’d sent me out of the house to calm me down. I was just so mad and I didn’t know why. I felt like something was wrong. I was gonna go to the lake and I thought somethin was wrong, and I let my instincts pull me the other way, to Clivesdale. Hen doesn’t know I went across the bridge. He’d kill me if I knew I went to Clivesdale alone.”_

“Ethan, I said stop!” She was trying to plead with him. He was breaking her further. Her voice was beginning to shake, as was she. Why couldn’t he leave her alone? Had he rang her to build up hope and then to knock her down again?  
_“I saw you on the other side of the bridge and you had your hood up. But it wasn’t your hoodie, it was **mine** and at once I just knew something was wrong because-“_

“I told you to stop, what point of stop don’t you get?!” With that, there was a clap of thunder outside so loud even Lex flinched. “Shit.”

_“Do you need me over?”_

“No, Ethan, _you_ are an asshole. Shit-Hannah!” Lex called from her bedroom as she stood up, heading to Hannah’s bedroom to calm her down. It took a few minutes, a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, three blankets, and the magic hat to reassure Hannah she was okay before she went back to sleep. Lex then retreated back to her own bedroom, surprised to see her phone still on call. “I’m back.”

_“Right, okay, and I watched you slip and cry out and I grabbed you and pulled you back. You were cryin. I aint ever seen you cry before. I don’t wanna see you cry again. And you punched my arm before ya realised it was me and then…ya hugged me. And I hugged you, and it was nice. An’ I looked over the edge of the bridge and I realised if you jumped, I would’ve followed all the way down to the bottom, pulled you up for air and dragged you to the side with no regards to my own safety.”_

Lex felt a tear run down her cheek. “Please stop talkin about it. I don’t wanna hear anymore.”

_“It was when I realised I was giving up my own safety for yours. It was when I realised I….I had feelings for you. And I couldn’t accept that no matter how hard I tried because I was scared I’d lose you. Then you said you loved me, and I panicked and we fought. The better days we once had are over now and I get that everything is slowing down for me, and for you, but it’s because the happiness we had experienced was over.”_

“And yet you discuss all these points and you still won’t say it’s love.”

_“Lex-“_

“Seriously, why did you ring me? Was it a way to get you through the thunderstorm? A way to pass the time?”

“ _I promise, it isn’t like that.”_

“It sure as hell _seems_ that way, Ethan!”

_“Fine, don’t believe me j-just don’t stop okay? Just keep shoutin at me. I know that it’s not what I want, and it certainly isn’t what you want but-“_

“But what?!”

_“I really like you, Lex. And I want you to be mine. I can’t-I’m strugglin’ to tell you what’s up but I guess I was so deep in this dumb love it just…sent me into like this dark pit I struggled to get myself out of…”_

“Listen, Ethan, I’m going to sleep now. And I’m going to pray that I don’t ever fucking wake up.” She said and hung up, wiping her tears away as she heard him frantically try to stop her.

* * *

The day after, she woke up with her head was heavy, the memories of the night before hazy in her mind. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed softly as she picked up her phone. The sun was glowing and there wasn’t a trace of rain outside. When she saw Ethan’s apologies via text format, she sighed and bit her lip, debating on whether she looked at them or not.

There was more than she’d expected. They were in huge paragraphs. She bit her lip and scrolled to the top of where he’d started messaging her. She didn’t have to be up until Hannah woke up, whenever that would be, so, to kill time, she started to read.

As she read all the apologies he’d typed, she was dying inside, her heart clenching up. He seemed sincere, but he’d played her, she was struggling to determine what was true. Was when he said she was worthless his true beliefs, or was it now, when he was talking about how she was worth everything to him? Was this manipulation? Was this what it looked like in a different form? Why was he trying to brainwash her with these stupid mind games? She didn’t know. She could tell he must have gotten high mid way through because his tone chanced. He started to repeat himself, meaning the texts were running around in circles as he tried to apologise for the pain he gave her, but she deserved it, and she’d convinced herself that she did.

She didn’t know what to do or how to feel. She was always there for him when he called her because she was so desperate, so impatient, so in _love_ with him that she let him trample all over her while, in a way, she worshipped him again and again, repeating the cycle that didn’t stop. She was trying to get over him, but another part of her was telling her that she didn’t want the misery to end. Maybe she didn’t, but that was a key point _she_ had to figure out for herself.

She left him on read. How could she reply to something as heavy as what he’d texted her? She was unsure. She dragged herself out of bed, forcing herself to start a new day. She changed into leggings and an oversized sweater, about to wake Hannah up, when she heard a knock at the door. She scoffed, believing it was a parcel for her mother. She walked down the corridor and opened the door only to see Ethan there. He looked…different.

His eyes were tired and teary. He was paler, and he was in his pyjamas. There were droplets of sweat rolling down his forehead and his hair was out of place. _He_ seemed out of place. There wasn’t an ounce of confidence in this man. He didn’t seem scary, or the stoner everyone from Hatchetfield knew. He was…broken.

“You read my texts and-and I just-“

“Are you high?” She asked, leaning against the doorway, folding her arms, an eyebrow raised, unimpressed.

“No, but I did wake up half an hour ago and I’ve been waitin for you ever since, and-and I’m sorry, Lex, I mean it-I didn’t- I didn’t ever intend t’hurt you, you’re just…”

“I read you texts, Ethan, don’t try and start repeating yourself again.” She said and eyed him up and down, rolling her eyes. Her eyes then flicked up to the sky, where a grey cloud was approaching quicker than she’d anticipated. “Come inside before it starts raining.”

“Thank you,” Ethan’s voice was breathless as he walked inside, shaking slightly.

“Did you wake up and run here or something?”

“Yeah…yeah that’s exactly what happened but-Lex-“

“Enough. Go take a seat. You’re freezing.” She didn’t need to touch him to realise how cold he was. It wasn’t exactly the warmest weather in Hatchetfield, and she could tell he was shivering. He was in short sleeves and long pants, and he’d thrown on some old sneakers. “There’s a blanket on the couch, by the way, warm yourself up.” She walked into the kitchen, putting on the coffee machine and placing her mug underneath it. She tried to ignore him as he sat down on their small couch.

He was so tall, and everything in their caravan was so small. He was a misfit, and she knew that, but she wanted him to fit in their home. She wanted to fit into his heart.

She shook her head clear and grabbed another mug, one of Hannah’s favourites, making her a hot chocolate, a second coffee being made in a separate mug. When they were done being made, she set Hannah’s hot chocolate on the counter for it to cool while Lex carried the two mugs of coffee over to the couch, where Ethan had wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. He looked at her, and she sat beside him.

“I forgive you.”

The three words were enough for Ethan to pull her into a hug, but not before Lex caught a glimpse of his face scrunching up as if he were about to cry. She was wrapped in the same blanket as he was, with him holding her tighter. “Thank you, Lex. Thank you so much,” Ethan said, holding her tightly as Lex relaxed into his touch.

“Just don’t do it again.”

“I couldn’t and I fucked up.”

“I know.”

“But I’m forgiven and-“ he pulled away and took her hands, his eyes still watery, but he wasn’t crying. “And I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lex said, a small smile appearing on her face. Neither had time to think as Ethan pulled her back into a hug. He tilted her chin up and kissed her softly, Lex kissing him back. It had been a rough few days apart, but they were back together. It was enough for them.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! As always, positive comments and kudos are appreciated!


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